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Palpitation

Our next 4 blog posts come from Sage Jennings. Here is the first of the 4 pieces! We're so excited for the rest!!



Despite it all, I do not hold regrets

I think I’m supposed to

They tell me I should

But as he pulled me off the cliff

He held me tight to his chest

I could hear his heartbeat

And I knew

He didn’t want to kill me

He just wanted someone to hold

as he went down

We all need someone to hug when we’re scared

He was scared


There is no excuse for his actions

There is no excuse for mine

But I do not regret them

So I hugged him back

There was blood on my face

It wasn’t mine

Carrie - bathing in him

Blood is warm when it’s fresh

Like a hot shower that feels like a blanket


I would do it all again

Because who knows what would have happened

if I didn’t

I did not love him

I rarely admit that

I speak of the warm blood as comforting

But the truth is

it burned

This poem was a lie

I did not love him

His heart beat too fast to comfort me

I feared he was excited

A fast heartbeat can be so misconstrued


I was scared

I did not want it to be my fault

I was selfish

I did not want it to be my fault

Maybe I would be happier if we had never met

But who knows what would have happened

So I cannot hold regrets for staying

I hope someone would have replaced me

had we not met

Someone did

The only regret I hold is leaving

I stand by leaving

But I regret it so

Does she stand by me leaving?

Does she forgive me?


His jokes were never funny

I’m sorry to have subjected her to that

Yes - let’s play that game

All that I ever subjected her to

were his mediocre, stolen jokes


Let us clean his hands together

As if they were only ever used for cooking

He made delicious food

As if they only ever punched beanbags

I’m sorry, Beanbag

I’m sorry I cleaned his hands

If it helps, the alcohol stung

He cried

And it made me miss the Guiltless


 


Sage is a 17-year-old senior from Edmonds, Washington. They have loved reading and writing poetry for years. Among their favorite poets are Fatima Aamer Bilal, Richard Siken, and Sabrina Benaim. They believe that symbolism and allegory exist to communicate emotions that can't truly be captured literally. They use writing as a form of self-expression and are happy to be able to share that.



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